Hey! Just feeling shitty in the middle of the night again. Urgh.
Idk. I really don't know who I am anymore. PFT. I still remember how happy I was. At least how happy I was before all these. I don't really know actually.
Sometimes idk if I am even happy for real or just faking it to be alright. Sometimes I cant think but I don't wish to show it like there's so much I want to say but I just can't. I'll prolly just burst into tears. Idk. I just feel like after Drex left, no one cares.
Cause really, if he was here. I won't be here blogging about how shitty I am. Right. So, he was always there no matter what. Like he would surprise me for no reason. He was always in school or even at times, we hang out. But saddest part? I didn't went USS with him when he bought an express ticket for me the other time )-:
GAH. I just miss having someone there for me like how Drex is. He has prolly forgotten about me alr. But, it's like he knows I am lazy so he would carry my things for me. When I type differently, he would just say 'spill' cause he knows I am not ok even if I said I am. Or he would just say cry. & he won't ask further cause he knows that I would prolly feel shit-er if I said it or something. He knows I am too lazy to buy lemon tea every morning & he would do it without fail every morning with my straw in the bottle alr. He would just hang out with me for a movie. Lend me his hoodie & all. He even made promises to teach em guitar, teach me how to skate.
We whatsapp-ed everyday without fail. He would be all sweet & annoying. He was one of those bestfriends that won't tease me too much & would actually greet me a beautiful & I remember how he would say I am his angel, his princess that he would love to pamper. Our friendship, correction, babe-ship is different. We call each other babe & we are just bestfriends nothing more. It's like if we had an argument, he would give in & all bcos he knows that I am so annoying, so idiotic, so princessy that he have to give in a lot & I guess that's why few stay in my life.
I remember we argued. He broke his promise. He had this serious face in class all the way. Neither of us talked. Actually, we didnt even talked & everyone knew that we fought even without asking. But we make-uped some how. Sigh.
Is there another bestfriend like that? Is there? Or is there actually someone who would actually care like Drex did? Would anyone even care for me? Honestly, I don't think so. I feel so...idk. I just feel like crying & all but I feel stupid bcos I am like.. Idk. Useless? Which I alr am. Sigh, how "good" can I be? Am I perfect enough? Or is that only in drex's eyes cause I am his bestfriend? Sigh. I am useless whatever. Stupid me. I give up hoping for someone to actually care, be there for me, love me, pamper me, put up with my shits, keep their promises, never lie like Drex. I give up all the hope really. Even in love. Cause it's just bullshit. In the end, it's not "you, me, against the world" it's "you clean your shit & it's only you against the world".
Till then, miss me, xoxo.
