insecurities.
dont you hate them?
like dont you wish that they dont exist?
there's always a prettier girl that you see on instagram & feel 'dayuuuuum. why cant i ever be as pretty as she is?' and there's this one guy you like so so much but you can never ever get his attention & you dont know why. its like no matter how hard you try, you can never ever get his attention or even get him to reply your text.
always giving it another go & whatsapp him then after awhile you see that he read your text & last seen timing & there you go again feeling all fucked up.
why? why can't people have a chance even after trying?
why can't i be pretty/beautiful for once?
why cant i just feel like i am the best for once?
am i too fat? too ugly?
are my eyes too small? or do i not have the perfect lips? the perfect nose bridge?
the perfect eyebrows? no dimples? no straight teeth? whats wrong?
why.............................
have you ever felt like sometimes maybe if you didnt exist then things would be so much better for people? bcos, i feel that way all time.
i always put a smile on my face to let people think i am fine when in reality i feel like just crying every single fucking thing out. like dont ask me why or whats wrong just fucking let me cry.
yes, sometimes i feel confident that i am pretty, i am beautiful then again someone would just come by & i would feel like shit again.
like why? why must i feel so insecure of everything? like cant things just go well for once?
i feel some fat, so ugly, so gross that sometimes i feel like just giving up cause why would anyone
care about someone who is so ugly right? then again, i feel no. there more people think you are
ugly, the more you should prove them wrong.
why? after liking you for so long, i still dont stand a chance? i out away my ego, i try and try.
but yet, i keep getting pushed away. am i just your fucking spare tyre? idw. i want to be yours.
am i not good enough? am i too ugly? am i too fat? like whats wrong? tell me. you say maybe after you have settled down. but how long? previously was after your major exams. then now, its over, you say you are afraid that you would neglect me so you say after you have settled down you would woo me from scratch. but what is all of these? i cant stand it. i get it if you need time but why cant you reply me? why cant we just text? i dont expect a date or anything i just wish to talk to you. i am dying to talk to you. do you know that? obviously not. people tell me you arent worth the wait but i am still here waiting. i feel like i am just any other girl you know? like i dont even deserve attention from you.
you dont even feel that i am beautiful or pretty. you honestly rated me 6/10.
am i that horrible? am i? really? i really just wish that you would just take a look at me & for once,
just tell me that you feel like i am the only girl in the world that you would ever want.
& obviously that would never even happen.
i just hope you read all these & know how i feel about you. i hate this feeling right now. i just want to escape this world rn. everyday, wanting to talk to you, to whatsapp you but then i know you wouldnt care so i would stop myself from doing so. i keep myself busy to forget about wanting to talk you. or to even forget you but it never does works. even if there are other guys in the world,
i would still think of being tgt with you. i cant. i just cant forget about you.
you prolly wont even read this. you prolly wont even care. you prolly just treat me as just another girl. or you prolly think i am not even worth your time for trying. i hate all of these feelings so much. thank you. this is what i get for liking you.