oh hi there.
yes, indeed. it is the exams period right now.
oh but guess what, i think i screwed up all of my papers so far...
that aside, things aren't even well enough to begin with.
well, i just really hope things turn out well this time. not that, it has ever actually been good or anyth.
6 more days to a decision and 10 more to another thing to be happy about.
but if what happens after the 6th day is a no, then obv there wouldn't be anyth to be happy about.
ofc i want you to stay. why wouldn't i?
but if you're leaving bcos of your friends, i understand.
no actually, for whatever reason you're gonna tell me, i'm gonna just take it.
i understand. i totally do.
i dont want you to stay if you're not staying bcos you want to, you're staying bcos you feel guilty.
you don't have to feel guilty at all. not even a single bit.
not everyone stays bcos eventually, they leave.
& i'm totally fine with it.
that's cause i'm used to it.
but since there're still 6 more days, i'll still try my best.
i'm still not giving up.
tho, it feels like you don't actually have a thing for me at all.
i dont even know what i'm saying.
i mean, correct me if i'm wrong.
i don't really expect much.
i don't ask anyth bcos i already know the answer that you're gonna give me.
i act like i don't care bcos i don't want you to feel guilty or what not.
if you're gonna hang out with your friends instead of me, i'm fine with it.
but hey, do drop me a text. it does no harm and it makes me smile.
maybe i'm messed up and all but i promise to try my best to be better
- not bcos i'm changing myself to be tgt with you. no. i won't ever do that for anyone.
i want to change bcos i know what will get me somewhere good and what would get nowhere at all.
they say,
'be with someone that would make you change for a better you. someone that would change you to be a better you. not because you're bad or anyth but because they love you and want you to be the best you.'
i wouldn't say you bring out the best in me or i'm the happiest with you.
yes indeed, i was the happiest i've ever been 4 months ago.
i was on cloud nine.
but well, i got kicked right back down to earth.
& damn, was that fall hard.
so hard it hit right through me and shattered everything about me.
no, you're weren't the only one who picked me up.
you're weren't the only one who saw the good and bad in me and want me to change.
you were just one of the few that helped me up.
i dont even know exactly how it started.
but i would say, right now you mean a lot to me. maybe not to the extent of everything but, close enough.
excuse me, but i have to be realistic and reasonable.
i just fell hard 4 months ago then i got picked up a month ago after being in that scary, tiny, dark and lonely corner for 3 months.
i picked up bit by bit, day by day.
soon enough i found myself right now, back in that scary, tiny, dark and lonely corner, again.
why? well, i got kicked right back there by those that picked me up. not all but almost all.
why? bcos we got tgt.
why? bcos i have a bitch-ass attitude and ugly everything.
no, i still accept myself for who i am.
yes, i've been doing a few things that i never thought i'd ever do.
but guess what, i'm stopping them now.
i'm not expecting you to like me or anyth. (well, maybe i do actually wish that you do)
bcos if you don't, i totally understand why.
i just wish that we still have that something, that spark that we had weeks ago.
i wouldn't lie. things have been hard on us, you and me.
but will we pull through it together?
i hope we do.
i have faith and hope in us.
definitely a little bit of love there because talking to you definitely makes me smile, a lot.
you make me smile, laugh and you give me that tingy feeling down my tummy and make my heart skip a beat.
when you call me your princess, you make me feel like i'm worthy of something.
when you wait up for me, you make me feel like i'm worth your time.
when you send me home, you make me feel like i'm your princess that you've to protect.
when you motivate me, you give me the urge to want to do better.
when you say those sweet things, it makes me smile like it's almost impossible to stop.
when you check on me, it tells me that i'm constantly on your mind.
when you rather hang out with me than your friends (somedays), i feel like.... your everything.
when you tell me you're shy, i find you too freaking cute.
pls, your friends tell me that it's your first time but i think those are excuses.
i mean, look at you. c'mon.
you can totally be a gay that any guy would ever ask for.
'you have the choice to either wait for things happen or opportunities/chances to come or you can make them happen.'
you're worth the fight, i know it.
you're all i'm hoping for now.
i have faith is us.
i believe in us.
xoxo,
Chloe.
