hello.
8:45am. No kidding, I've yet gone to bed. I'm not quite sure if i'm tired or I'm just having heavy eyelids that weigh a ton. I've so much on my mind right now. I've no idea if i want to go for a swim or just continue with all my movie marathons because I'm done with PLL.
Since I've so much on my mind right now, I thought why not just blog about it? It can get to me, the fact that I've so much on my mind and I've no idea what choices to make or what to do. These thoughts, some are minor, some are major. It feels like I want to "live in the moment" and just do whatever that makes me happy. But you know, sometimes not everything is going to turn out good without a plan...
My hair.
Honestly? Sometimes i can't even be bothered with my hair. Actually that's most of the time. Because if you know me personally, you would know that I don"t brush or comb my hair. I do but not all the time. It'll be like 10 times per year kind of thing. Gross enough for some people but I'm just like that. I used to never leave the house without a comb (I was in preschool), now? Now i'm just like, fuck it. My hair is always in a mess and I guess I somehow got used to it and embraced that. Being neat at everything was never my kind of thing anyway. The issue is the last time i had short hair (bob wih fringe cut) was when i was 11. And it was the worst decision I've ever made in my entire fucking life. I swore i would never cut my hair that short ever again. Gradually as the years have gone by, all i did was cut my hair to shoulder/chest length or bangs. That was it, never shorter, ever. When Sya told me she felt like chopping her locks, i freaked. Not being a total control freak or anything, i adore her long hair so much. I always felt like she looked like some model (if she wasn't such a maniac like me, she might be some model by now). I thought maybe i should chop mine off too. But if you know me personally, you would know that as much as i don't care about my hair, I loved it to death. Then, she cut it without me alr. Bam Chloe, too late bro. Now? Now I feel like I want to cut bangs, trust me, it's so fucking tempting. Another thing is, I've never had long fringe. The longest ever was chin length. I felt like dying my hair too when the holidays started. I was thinking red but i wanted black too (don't know why, so don't ask). But I love my hair now, the colour... it's so brown. I know a lot of people think that I've dyed my hair/dip-dyed it. But honestly? I haven't dye my hair in the longest time ever.
So tell me, should i cut bangs or let my hair grow? What the fuck Chloe, you typed the whole chunk just to ask that question, fuck.
My studies.
Spoke to my mom. Spoke to Rach. Spoke to Clare. Spoke to Sya & Jen. I still have no fucking idea what to do. I told Rach. I told her i could totally picture myself being some hardcore ass mugger in the damn library straight after sch (be it having programmes or not), being at the library swimming in books. She just laughed and said that if that happen, it must be a miracle. Though, I know I can do it. I just don't have the drive, you feel me? It's like I keep telling myself I don't want to miss out, I don't want to be too late for my O's, I don't want to cry about some shit I could've done better. I don't want all of that. Trust me, I know what I'm capable of. It's just a matter of fact whether I choose to be a lazyass fucker or a hardcore ass mugger. Damn shit, I wish I could motivate myself. I get so annoyed with myself all the time. I'm actually a perfectionist at the things i do. It's either you do a perfect job or you just pack up and head home. That's how i do things, that's why I'm fucking nuts. That's why i get so annoyed with myself when I can't make myself pay attention or understand a fucking theory of Chemistry or whatever it is. I need help with math, I know it very well. So yes, I've decided to take up home tuition because I know that's how i'll ever only going to focus. I know once 2014 starts, it's either I go hard or go home. And my only choice would be going fucking hardcore. Trust me, I won't drive myself that cray. Oh I definitely know how to take a break, no worries. Well, there's that for O's and plans for O's. It's the after that's driving me nuts. I don't want to regret anything like how i regret not getting back into SN. But then again, I'm glad i'm in ftp too, hmm. I've saved the dates for NAFA and Lasalle open houses. I might think of JCs too actually. hmm... but I don't want to work in a office and my life would always be like reporting to a place and revolve all over the same people, again and again.
I won't ask you guys for help here because this is my future and I want to make my own choices, I have to anyway, duh.
Work.
As some of you may have known by now that I'm working at a café. Of course, that's most ideal work but for me, that would work now. I told my boss i want to continue even when school reopens because my shift are mostly 6pm-11pm/1am. Plus mine's just part time so it'll do. Oh plus it's an extra income to my forever full of zeros bank account hahaha. So yeah. That's about it for work. Oh and I'm gonna start selling out my clothes already because I have too many clothes that I don't even wear at all, lol. So I'll update you guys on that again, no worries. hehe.
If you guys didn't know, I'll be blogging about 365 days of 2013 on 31st or at least when I'm home haha. It'll be a sensitive topic so yeah. Because I've decided to just blog all my feelings about everyone that has been a part of this 365 days and everything that has happened. Be it the good or the bad. Names would be mentioned, things that i would normally keep anonymous would be revealed and stuff. So yeah. I've nothing to hide so, I hope those names that I would mention in that post won't be too affected by it. I'll be blogging month by month, fyi.
xo,
Chloe.
