So is that what everyone thinks? Because honestly, I don't see why you should wait for a new year to change yourself. Because at the end of the day, you are the one to decide whether you would let yourself procastinate or whether you would get your damn ass off the bed and do whatever it is that you need to.I, myself find this contradicting. Because I'm the laziest person anyone would ever know. But then again, I might not be. Hmm how shall I put this in a right way?
I have been thinking quite a lot. I know this year is going to be my "go hard or go home" year because of my O levels. I am already starting to feel the I-need-to-puke tummy feeling right now. I would definitely say that I would do anything, really anything in this entire world to do well for all my tests/exams and most importantly, my O levels.
There are going to be so much that I would want to do. I regret so much not taking art. I regret not continuing or further any art related stuffs at NAFA when I was younger. I had this clay making workshop. I made this christmas tree (which btw is actually hideous now that I think of it but it truly was the highlight of my 9 y/o accomplishments). My mom was a student at NAFA if I'm not wrong. Well according to her, she used to go there for fine arts (the drawing/painting). She did ask me if I wanted to continue but I said no.Why? Because the last time I did something about art was when I was 7 (or younger).. I have won a couple of trophies for my art works. Which by the way, I have no idea where the trophies/medals/artworks are at now. But they might be with my dad. Who knows? ha.
I wish I had actually done art instead of f&n. It could have been my escape other than PE. But it's sad too, that my school doesn't offer the kind of art I'm interested in even though the teacher is more than qualified to educate us. Now that I think of it, art is not the only thing I regret about.
I love sports so much I have no idea why I didn't do it more when I was younger. I used to love swimming so much I did it from every sunday morning to every afternoon after school. I would beg my mom or my sister to bring me to the pool. I would dive into the 1.2M pool which was then the ocean to me/my height. I never knew the right way to swim. I never had swimming lessons (up till it was a compulsory thing for PE in sec2). I tried attending a swiming lesson once though. It was "too boring" and "slow" for me. I got bored and stopped attending. How did I learn swimming? I just soak myself in the middle pool and watched other "more advanced" classes and listen to important tips. I watched shows and stuffs about swimming. It was more of like a try and test thing for me. I just swam at the side because there would always be the curb that i have hold onto in case I drown or something.
Well well well, so far so good isn't it? I guess that's why I suck at breast strokes. I know that free style would make me have broad shoulders but I like free style. It's a breeze for me, really. I would take 4 mins per lap for breast stroke and 1-2 for free style. I like back strokes too. I can never master the art of butterflies hahaha. I admire and salute those who can do butterfly really.
I regret too not joining track and field when I was in my primary school. It's funny isn't it? How I never won a single thing in my primary school but I was known for the notorious stuffs. Now in secondary school, I guess maybe the notorious stuff hasn't changed much but I've actually won quite a handful of medals for sports day, etc. except for climbing. I have never thought I would step out of my comfort zone and be sporty again. Well, I was when I had PE in pri school but just more of the slacker-dont-give-two-shit kind of person. I then began to wonder when am I ever going to focus on the things I am good at and try to perfect it? Considering the fact that I am a perfectionist and extremely ocd at some stuffs. hahaha, I have wondered if I would swim all the time again. Maybe after my O's.
I guess since it is a new year, maybe I should too set some goals for myself. I have never really set anything for myself. Studies wise never happens. Sya and I would set goals but every time we would look back and just laugh at ourselves.
So anyway, I have thought about it. I think maybe at some point of time I do have to put my job on hold because I can never really multi-task. Well it's not that I can't. It's just that I have this thing that I would pay full attention to something and block out everything else. Which is why focusing on one subject rather than 7/8 other subjects is more of a "my thing". Other than having to put my job on hold (which saddens me), I would have to really study at least 5 days a wek (which I am never ever looking forward to) and get tuition at least 2/3 times a week.
I know it's the thousandth and one time I am talking about my tuition/after O's plans/every single boring shit out there. But it really is important to me. I don't wish to live my life in regrets. Well I don't know about you guys out there but I know I don't. So then again, I at least have Rach to mug hardcore with me everyday. I have people around me to support me and motivate me. & yes of course, I would most definitely would do the same for them. I might actually even payback twice. hehehe.
I might actually put relationships on hold to. Of course I already have a special someone stored at the bottom of my heart. But I know (everyone knows) that I am an extremely emotional person. I would break into pieces. Nothing about social media about me would bring me down but if it's coming from my closed ones, then yes it would shake me, wreck me, break me, whatever. It would just literally kill me. So I can't be in a relationship unless that ship is a steady and firm one. But who am I kidding? I am only 16. It would definitely be shaky. Every relationship has it's ups and downs. So that's a pause for me too.
I would say that I am a very.... physical person? I don't really know what is the correct way to put this. But I am just the kind that if you want to keep me motivated, I need something that's physcial. Like for example, if I am trying to force myself or motivate myself to work out more or something, I would get new gym clothes or something. If I needed to study more, I would get myself a new notebook or I don't know, chocolates or something. Etiehr way, I just need to be constantly motivated and reminded of my goals. I wouldn't expect much but I do have my terget score O's and Sya and I have plans.
So yeah, we'll see how it all goes. I have been thinking of doing a video diary/vlogs but wouldn't that be boring? lmao. almsot 300 days of me talking about my school shits. hahaha, the thought of it just cracks me up. But we would see how it goes, I might be motivated because of that right? hehe.
xo,
Chloe.
