I think I might be down with flu, sobs. The weather has been so cold (which I have a love-hate r/s with)! & I think I have been drinking too much green teas alr. I drink about 3/4 bottles per day & that's just cray cray. So I think I might start drinking more plain water hehe.
I know it's not the weekends yet but I just felt like blogging (no idea why). I tossed and turned on my bed thinking about what the future holds for me. To be honest, death scares me the most. I was thinking of after O's plans but seems like my overthinking skills had gotten the best out of me. Being dead & not knowing what's going to happen next is just... terrifying. I mean like, as much as we all do not know what life has ahead for us but death is just... nerve wrecking & terrifying. Speaking of it now makes me feel so nauseous.
Ok enough of death talks. Like I've mentioned earlier, I've been thinking of what the future holds. Or maybe just my after-O's-plans. My mom has this crazy idea of touring Europe & I'm just there like "that'd be great as hell but money is an issue bro". Apart from that, I've been thinking that maybe I should volunteer myself & help out a charity event. I personally would want to visit orphanages & kids. As much as I hate the wailing and screaming of kids but I like seeing kids being happy and all excited.
It's like they can never, ever be upset. They are always happy and excited. They are all so innocent and just adorable. I remember being a kid, I was pampered as hell by both my mom & dad. & somehow I always had this idea that even though kids need to have discipline, they need to have a happy childhood too. They should get to read books, play with toys, have food & all that. A child needs to be happy. That's what I think & believe in. Discipline & happiness.
Ok with all of that aside, schools. Obviously, we all know that nafa would definitely be my first choice. I'm visiting lasalle tomorrow so we shall see about that. I initially had thoughts for jc but.. I guess maybe not anymore. I chanced upon a MDIS brochure today & found out that they offered fashion studies & marketing. So I guess now I have another school to consider. But I'm somehow attracted to mass communications as well, hmm. We shall see.
About work, remember how I mentioned previously that I would quit at the end of March? I've decided to quit half of February. I want to study hardcore & make sure I force myself to finish all my math and science assessments. Regardless of the level.
I think ever since this year started and I felt pressurized about O levels, I've became more sensitive and emotional. The slightest thing would affect me. Even if it's extremely lame or doesn't even make sense, it would annoy the crap out of me. Tiny jokes or remarks would bug me like there's no tomorrow. Even if it didn't use to matter, it does now. This is absurd & I would gladly remove my feelings at all cost just to ensure that I am emotionally ready for O's.
I'm falling sleep already so I shall just cotinue my update tomorrow. Nights.
Thursday morning. 7:04am.
Yup. I'm actually updating this now on my way to school. I should have realized it sinner that I actually have almost no rest at all. I have to wake up at 6am on all week days and 9am on weekends. But I always end school so late. I still have to get home & get my homework done. I almost have no time for revision at all.
By the time I'm done with my homework, I am already too tired to do anything else. Hence, sleep is my only choice. But I can never get enough sleep. It's always either 5/6hrs of sleep or 3/4 hours of sleep. Sometimes my training have already drained all my energy. I feel like I'm literally like a zombie or a working maniac. It's either study, work, train or nothing else. So tired. This is only being physically tired....
Emotionally tired? Ha, I don't even know where to start. I would say that 2014 has been all good. In terms of friends & all. But in terms of fixing myself and trying to cover up all the scars... it hasn't been as well. I honestly have goals that I want to achieve this year (O's), but I also have that idea that I can never make it. Which sucks to Mars and back. Plus I've been so tired that everytime someone or anyone starts blabbing shit, I'll snap at them.
So damage that I don't even know where to begin. Hmm. Even now I'm too tired to think of anything. There's pe today & I'm dreading it already. PE this year sucks to mars and back. It freaking sucks so bad that I want to skip school because of PE. It's conditioning till we have our napfa test. Zzz so annoyed with the fact that they want us to be "physically fit" for napfa. C'mon dude, would you calm down it's just napfa test!!! We are normL students nt some athlete. At least in between sets let us have water break or some rest or to even catch our breath.
Ok I think I should prolly end this year. I'm completely clueless on what this post is linked to. I just needed a space to voice out a little here and there. Thank you for being a great "listener" or just a reader of my blog.
xo,
Chloe.
