TO THE YEARS AHEAD
I was going going to blog yesterday but I didn't have most of the pictures with me... so today shall do! It isn't too late yet and considering the sudden increase in page views yesterday, I am guessing that people thought I would've blogged about it haha. My apologies but here are the photos and some other thoughts.
Some time last year, Sya and I were saying how we would be so upset about graduating because then, we wouldn't be able to see what we used to call "the blacks" back then. (gees, I'm making myself sound a lot older than I am haha) We used to say how the pictures taken will be filled with laughters but at the same time tears, good tears. We used to say how we never want to part ways because we don't want to think about being in a new school, making new friends, having to meet new people, being without this bunch of people that we hang out with almost everyday, or every other day.
That changed.
This year, it got me thinking. Thinking if these people that matter so much to me, are truly my friends, if they genuinely like me as a person. Well, I found the answer. When I knew, it made me really upset because they were the ones that made me smile, made my days better in school, or at least I looked forward to school, to be with the ones that I know would never fail to put a smile on my face. As things change, friends become strangers with cold hard feelings, teachers become more worried than they have been of me, I start to realize that being here was never my choice but I'm glad I am, or was.
When I first got into FTP, I hated it. I was from an all girls' school (I didn't have issues with boys because I had tuition friends who are boys) and I didn't know exactly how to interact with everyone. I can be quite of an introvert sometimes, especially if I am in a new environment. FTP was not my choice at all, MOE sent me there because I kept putting SNGS as my choices (haha I loved SN a lot). I was really mad and upset that I couldn't be with my Milo Clique from SN and that we all had to part ways. That, all our plans of being together have changed. We changed.
I disliked how the school had so little to offer. Coming from a school that was big, had many different choices of CCA, had many other things that a small school (FTP), couldn't have made me really want to transfer. Initially, I was supposed to transfer when I was 14 (back to SNs). I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad that despite being in a small school, I've grown so much.
FTP may be a small school but we should never belittle her. I am able to have a close bond with a few teachers and the teachers have shown more than just concern and kindness. They truly do care and have made me felt like I could get through tough times. The food was the bomb. I can eat that everyday and never ever complain. Now, I'm going to miss having to decide what food to eat for recess /crais/. I will miss being in the councillor family. I will miss running around, making sure that the event runs smoothly, making sure that we are all on the right track. I will miss the camps, the laughter, the fun, the tears, the anger, the frustrations, everything.
I will miss every single thing that I've been through because of this school.
In here, I have learnt that friends that claim to be your friends are never "friends". People who care, will ask you how you are. People who love you, will get mad at you when they know how you are hurting yourself. People can and will be able to put aside their differences just to run an event, to bond as a team, to be the closest we can ever be. I've learnt to not trust everyone just because they show you the slightest concern. To never think that love will last, or friendships too. I've learnt that just because you have lost, it doesn't mean that it is over. I've learnt to be stronger, more independent than I've ever been, that it is okay to be alone, that if you matter to someone, they will make you stay even after graduation. If it is meant to be, it will be, eventually. Regardless of the distance, time or any other obstacles.
Being here I've lost myself along the way every year as I've tried my best to pick myself up. Every year, I've gotten into something that in return made me hurt and break a little. However, this year I've learnt what was real and that the ones in the past were nothing but tiny little ones. I've learnt that I haven't given up on life (despite the countless thoughts of it), I've only grown stronger and will always be. I've made friends that will always mean more than the status given, friends that will stay a life time, friends that will always have a place in my heart. I've met people that will always be protective of me because they truly know how sensitive and fragile I can be. I've also lost friends that once mattered to me, friends that I once thought would be a life time, friends that I once thought cared, friends that I never thought would be what they are now, to me.
I have the best bronze pins, the best batch16, the best class (with flaws), the best experiences, the best lessons learnt, the best opportunities and the best secondary school life. We all have our own definition of 'best'. We all have certain things that we don't like about each other, or about something. But it is the dislikes that makes it worth knowing that you care for that person or thing, it is the likes that makes the bond stable. It is the dislikes that makes us learn and change for the better. It is the dislikes that brings lessons, experiences, communications, trust and love. It is the likes that makes everything else worth it, makes everything else stronger.
I will miss everything and I will never miss certain. I am thankful for the hate, the experiences, the dislikes, the criticisms, the love, the care, the concern, the suspension, the everything. I am glad that this chapter is over (or soon it will be), I can't wait to relax till the next one comes.
Thank you & Goodbye.
(all photo credits are to Clarissa, Huda, Daniel)
photos are not in order, they are obviously jumbled up.
xo,
Chloe