I haven't been as regular as I have on this space as I have been in the past. I wish I am but I am not. Why? I don't know either. I often wonder if people really do read this space. If they share the same thoughts as I do or if they wish to beg to differ. I wonder if it is just me blabbing away. Even with this space aside, I find myself not as interested as I was before with other social media platforms.
I used to love scrolling through my Instagram feed or Twitter timeline but now, I can't even be bothered to look for my phone or even reach for it. Though I would have to say that I really need my phone because of music. Last month, I find myself in a desperate need of my phone only because I need to be sure that my boss was able to be in contact with me. lol. I guess that's how my life is.
Whenever I met Jen, she would say, "have you seen that vine? It's so funny omg you have to watch it!" As I look at her and shake my head, she would go, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN OMG!"
However, after finding out that she recently deactivated her twitter, I asked why and she just said, "I don't know. I just did. I didn't had the feeling of keeping that anymore because I don't see the point in scrolling through the timeline and reading about everyone. What makes it worst is that some of it is annoyingly ignorant and rude. Plus, I have never been happier."
Of course, I rephrased but the last sentence is indeed what she said.
I guess I can understand where she is coming from and also, feel the same way as she does. Though, I don't deactivate it, my lack of posting/tweeting can pretty much make up to "deactivating".
You may wonder where I am heading to with this post. However, same with you, I have no idea. Just let me type and pen everything that I have in my head.
I was recently asked why I didn't choose to go to JC and instead, poly. I ask myself that all the time too. I even asked my teacher that. I asked her if she thought I was a studious person or that I would make it for A's when I only studied a month before for my O's. She agreed with me that I am not as studious however, I would get it done if I am determined. Hence, the reason why I was able to get the only course I wanted.
I would be lying if I said that I hate studying. Surprisingly, I like it. I wouldn't say it is something I would do first thing on my list but it is something I wouldn't say no to. I like writing essays and solving annoying problem sums that frustrates me to the freakin' core. I like it. I probably sound like a nerd now haha. Only thing I would detest doing is memorising. lol. Not sure if it is counted as studying but I have always felt that if you understand the concept/story/method to use, you don't have to memorise.
With that, it makes me wonder why I didn't study earlier to go to Jc or choose MI. I would love to continue studying literature or English in general. I would want to frustrate myself over a problem sum or physics explanation theory. But then again, I would rather do something I desire.
I am not sure where it would take me or how I am going to pull through school or this entire course itself but I hope I do. I sometimes watch runway shows on Youtube and simply can't imagine myself designing a piece of clothing. But who knows what the future holds, right? Man, I am so fickle minded.
Now, I wish school would start sooner but the thought of meeting new people, being in a new environment and having to talk to strangers makes me nervous and shy. I am scared as heck but you will see a smile on my face. I don't know why. I will panic so badly on the inside but whenever I make eye contact, I will smile. Fuck, I am so weird. Am I the only one that like that?
Till then I guess.