Yes, indeed, shithole. That word doesn't exist in any dictionary but mine. Why? Because I used to constantly feel that way. I still do, I guess? I doubt I feel that way because despite how I sometimes feel that I am fat, ugly, or everything-went-wrong, I don't seem to be as affected as I thought I would be. Phew, what a mouthful. But yeah, I don't seem to be very affected. I guess you can say that I don't care. But it would be so contradicting at the same time considering how particular I am on certain things.
I suppose that on certain days I couldn't care less about how I look or dress and then there're those days where I am extremely annoyed at myself for being so ugly.
However, every time I have someone who comes running along and telling me how they feel fat or ugly, I can't help but think if I feel the same way about myself. Taking a step back and giving it much thought, I guess I can say that I do love myself. But of course, as a human being, I am insecure at times as well when I see other prettier girls with great body shapes. But at the end of the day, I would say that I am contented with how I am. I wouldn't say I am anything great definitely but I am just at peace with what I have.
I mean, I am pretty damn lucky to not have any disabilities. I shouldn't let my mind or the media's idea of perfection make me hate myself.
Back to the comments, I honestly wish I could talk people out of hating themselves. I wish I could let them know that there's so much more than just your physical appearance. There's so much more than having voluptuous breasts, tiny waist, a freaking thigh gap, huge booty, etc. That if you don't like a certain part of yourself, you should go do something about it instead of whining all the damn time.
In this entire world, there's only going to be one you. In this entire world, only you will understand yourself best.
In this entire world, only you can give yourself more love than anyone can ever give you.
If you don't even love yourself, how do you expect others to love you?
If you don't even appreciate yourself, how are others going to learn to appreciate you?
When the entire world turns their back against you, you only have yourself.
At the end of the day, you only have yourself.
So, stop.
Stop hating on yourself.
Stop degrading yourself.
Stop constantly thinking so negatively about yourself.
Stop thinking the worst of yourself.
And start.
Start finding something about yourself that you love the most. It could be anything. It could be your hobby, a facial feature, something you're good at, a special talent, anything at all.
Start making baby steps. You're not expected to complete a marathon without any practice. Start with a slow and easy pace. It could be taking to yourself in the mirror, eating proper meals, going for a run, learning a new sport, anything at all.
One step taken is better than none at all.
When you start having one of those moments, remind yourself that those thoughts you're having, are monsters. Don't let the evil win. Show them who's boss. Take a deep breath. Cry if you need/want to, as much as you need/want to. I personally think watching comedies are a good way of blocking those thoughts out. Or a run would be good to.
Whatever it could be that you're facing right now, always remember to never, ever, stop believing in yourself and having faith in yourself and loving yourself.
These things are only a chore when you don't believe, have faith nor hope.
Never give up, you're probably half way there.
xo,
Chloe
