Lately, things haven't been so great for me. But I am thankful for the ones that have stuck by my side and never left, and the ones that I never thought would have been there for me. I wouldn't say why or what have happened because I would very much like to keep it personal and it is something that is very close to my heart. I never saw this coming because I always had hope and faith in this thing. I thought it would have been different than the others and it would have been a whole lot better but I was wrong. I was wrong t have given my all and hoped for the best and hoped for something in returned. What I got in return was the worst and never thought I would have gotten it. I never thought I could ever feel or be in such a position or to ever feel like I can't move on from this phase.
This thing, to the one that might be reading this, it was special and it always will be but it is over now. It is over now, tomorrow, and in the future. It pains me to say this but I know it is the truth and I have to accept it. Whether or not things change in the future and chasing happens, it will then be up to me to decide if I can trust you ever again, with my heart. I will not speak of this, ever. I will only remind myself in the future of the pain I have been through and the pieces I have to fix of myself when I let someone in. I will hope that you learn from your mistakes and miss me. I hope the soft spot will exist forever, I hope you will regret with all your heart but I also want you to be happy. I can't forgive you now or maybe ever for the things you have done and said. I don't know if I will have a change of mind but right now, it still hurts and I am still in pieces. But soon enough, I'll be fine and I will be stronger and I would have moved on from this.
I wouldn't forget you, or any of this. I wouldn't move on from you or stop loving you. But I will move on with life and people. I will find myself and be the best version of myself, to be the better person. Everything that I have said to you, I meant it and I hope you will remember it. The things I gave you, including a part of me, I hope you treasure them, appreciate them and love them. I hope they mean something to you. I have nothing to keep of you, except maybe a little part of you. I have so much to say to you but also nothing at the same time because I have said most of the things that I said already. Since you're fine without me, it probably means that you have already moved on and I should too. I hope you are happy and I hope you will keep your head up and smile. Also, remember that I am here for you if you ever need me. But that does not mean that you are back in my life in any sort of way.
I have said this once, and I will say it again. I tell people often too many times that if they choose to leave, then they shall never be back into my life. People often ask me why I don't give second chances. It is simple, because if you can do it once, you can do it again. If you can hurt me once, you can too again. If I really did matter so much to you and you know how I am like, you would have known better than to do whatever you have done. It wouldn't be too late to make things right when I am still talking to you but it will be when I stop and when I am done. It will all be too late when you have tried too many times and I still do not respond. Everything you do, it is your choice. No one forced you to do anything, to or for anyone. If this is what you choose, this is what you get. Bear the consequences. Do not regret. Even if you do regret, too bad. Then, I may forgive you because I don't hold grudges but I will never trust you again, or let you in again. If there is a will, there is a way. If you want to make things right, do it. If you don't want to lose someone/something, do something about it. Don't just talk about it and not do anything. All words, no actions. Never trust or believe in someone who talks all the time but does nothing.
I'm sorry that you couldn't appreciate the things that I have done. Or, be the man you should have been. I am sorry too, that you are unable to be strong for yourself, to speak your mind, that you are so afraid of being scrutinised by the world and people around you. I'm sorry that you cannot stand up for yourself , or realize who is the one that has been there for you through every step, willing to do anything and everything for you. I'm sorry that you don't see the good now. Maybe you will, someday. Maybe it will be too late then but at least, you would know and maybe try and make things right.
Goodbye, my love.
xo,
Chloe.
