Do you ever just feel like you are close to a particular person but at the same time you're not?
Do you ever just feel like what you guys have (be it as friends or as lovers), aren't as solid as you think it is?
I constantly feel like there're so many people in my life that I wish could be a constant or at least, I thought will be as close as I think we are, but somehow, we are not. I don't exactly know what this feeling is all about. Neither do I know how to express this feeling exactly. You just feel like they are there but at the same time you feel like they have never been there and they don't know anything at all. You think you and this particular person are tight but as soon as you sit back and really think through, just how much do you really know about this particular someone? Then, are you both considered as close? How do you know if someone is close to you? How do you come to a conclusion that the person is close to you? Who is he/she? How much do you really know about him/her? How long have you even known him/her? People who say that they wish to be close to you, are their intentions pure? How do you know who to let in? When do you let them in? Are they worth? Are you even worthy to them?
There're so much to think about but there will never be answers to my question.
So many have walked in. So many have walked out. Every one holds a different story. Every different story has taught you different lessons. Every lesson learnt is another reminder. Every reminder is another door closed to opportunities.
What am I feeling, really. How do I get this feeling off my chest.
I guess the conclusion is to always remind myself that people come and go. There're people that you wish would've stayed but too bad, you were just another drive by. There're people that you will always miss and that is just that. There will be people you will never fail to understand why it didn't work out but that is just that. Life, is just... life.
I never fail to feel like I am suffocating from all the responsibilities. I never fail to just feel like stopping and just have a break. I want to breathe. I need to breathe. I am barely gasping for air. Fuck the standards of living. Fuck myself for having such dreams. Fuck this.
I'm out,